The Rabid Sea Raccoon in The Travel Section

While perusing through the travel section of his local library one day, The Rabid Sea Raccoon came upon an interesting sight. Right between the shelves, books with pictures and description of far-off destinations towering on either side, there was a small leprechaun.

Curious, The Rabid Sea Raccoon spoke to the leprechaun. "Why are you here in the travel section, Mr. Leprechaun?"

"O'Malley," said the leprechaun. "My name is O'Malley. And don't even get started about how ridiculously cliched and Irish my name is. I don't want to hear it. That's my name, the one I was born with, and I can't really do anything about it."

"Well, techniquely," replied The Rabid Sea Raccoon, "you could change it, but I can understand how horrible it must be--you know, being a leprechaun with a horribly cliched Irish name. See, my name is The Rabid Sea Raccoon, and since I am, obviously, a rabid sea raccoon, it just seems kind of redundant."

"Boy, do I ever hear you on that," said the leprechaun, Mr. O'Malley. "But you know what's really awful about the entire affair?" The Rabid Sea Raccoon was rather interested, and told Mr. O'Malley as much. "I'm not even Irish," Mr. O'Malley said.

The Rabid Sea Raccoon was astonished. "I didn't know there were leprechauns outside of Ireland!"

"Well, there aren't, generally," explained Mr. O'Malley, "but, see, my grandfather was born in Ireland--he moved when he was young--and really leprechauns are a species. I mean, a kangaroo doesn't turn into a deer when its shipped to America, does it? Even the eventual offspring of the American kangaroo are still kangaroos."

"I guess that does make sense..." allowed The Rabid Sea Raccoon. "However, what doesn't make sense is why your grandfather moved. Wasn't there racial tension between Americans and the Irish immigrants back in his time?" The Rabid Sea Raccoon wasn't sure about this, but he did seem to remember reading something like it in a textbook when he was in high school.

"The same reason all the other Irish families moved, that great potatoe famine, or whatever. It didn't hit so hard on leprechauns since we eat so little, but Gramps' father was a go-with-the-flow kind of guy. Since not many other leprechauns had moved, Gramp's family stayed unemployed in the walls of one of the Irish housing developments. Apparently, it really was horrible for the humans, but Gramps never got any of that."

"Oh, well I guess that's a good thing, then," said The Rabid Sea Raccoon, feeling very enlightened, but a little tired.

A very pretty leprechaun scurried up the travel section aisle to Mr. O'Malley. "Well," said Mr. O'Malley. "It's time for me to go. Goodbye, Rabid Sea Raccoon."

"Goodbye, Mr. O'Malley."

The Rabid Sea Raccoon never did find out why a leprechaun was in the travel section of the library.